Disclaimer: the following thoughts are not all encompassing but rather stir the pot on hot button issues that require further dissecting for a solid understanding. There isn't one explanation for " mjolo the pandemic" but the given takes offer insight into the complexities characterising the crisis at hand.
In efforts to understand the global pandemic as it pertains to matters of the heart, social media has been framed as the culprit by many. From the unrealistic expectations of love that it is alleged to set, to the curated and non-contextualised images it presents; a fair share of the global population has deemed it as the worm behind the demise of many. Not to talk about the reported ease that social media platforms have created for people to be unfaithful. It surely can be seen as the devil's advocate for "mjolo the pandemic."
Now, while this view holds truth, when contextualised of course, I'm afraid it is not all encompassing and doesn't really shine light on the work that takes place behind the scenes to produce the heart wrenching scenarios we've been coming across. The roots of our understanding of love have more to do with it's downfall and the DNA closure show, a popular Zimbabwean paternity production, bears testament to this.
Quite a number of episodes of this show have highlighted participants whose life decisions are not directed by social media; either because their love stories began with Zimbabwe's independence (1980) or their socio economic background and geographical location do not give them the exposure that would have the internet steering their love choices. Granted, they are a number of participants who've been groomed by the technological age but a similarity between the former and the latter, regardless of the generation to which they belong and popular culture, is that they all come from families; and in most cases broken families.
Usually broken families are viewed in the lenses of divorced or separated parents; but in Africa, moreso Zimbabwe, we probably have the most 'glued' yet split families. That is to say that on paper, the families maintain one front but in reality, nothing about their way of living expresses unity, sustainability or health in relationships. Generationally, trauma is inherited as children grow up exposed or victims to emotional, physical, financial, verbal or sexual abuse.
For instance, some women grow up seeing men only being affirmed when they provide, which leads them to in turn desire men whose love is only shown in material provision. In other cases, men and women have only heard their father being appreciated using their clan names / totems, when they bring something to the table and never when they sit down to tell their children a folktale or when they intentionally schedule time to dissect their children's days and state of being. This is not an attack on the culture but a call for thought on contexts in which we've practiced certain things.
Multitudes of men are growing up seeing women carry the solar system and it's planets unquestioningly, without aid or rest. As such, they struggle to appreciate the concept of boundaries implemented by women and lack an understanding of threshold when it comes to a woman's capacity for pain.
As a result, 'wounded' people who are unaware of their bleeding, raise a generation of men and women who will pursue the most extreme form of what they were exposed to or what they lacked. For men, "chasing the grind" becomes a source of identity validation and acts of extravagancy are not done from a place of love but rather as transactional. When the man does not receive what he expected in return, for instance unswerving loyalty, his identity crumbles and he resorts to getting his investment back in ways he sees fit, which we have witnessed in domestic violence cases and murders.
For women, gravitating towards that which was lacking in childhood may be seen in them cultivating a relationship with a person who provides emotional security, while they still have the covering of a partner who performs the financial duties which they are familiar with. It is not that emotional security is all to them but that the void is something they desire to fulfil.
As such, social media is exposed as less of a cause in the downfall of relationships and more of a mirror into the beliefs we already hold. Granted, character flaws can be present and cause destruction even when someone had a fairly decent foundation in affairs of the heart, but more often than not, shattered glass runs through the genesis of our love stories.
So as we reflect on the Valentines week that has passed us, let us get less into the routine of pinpointing all the ways in which social media has ruined relationships and love for us, and dig more into acknowledging how our roots have defined our expectations in the reception of love and our responsibilities in its delivery.
From my progressing heart to yours,
Pretty Conscience