Just because it was a life-saving surgery doesn’t mean the recovery won’t hurt.
~Pretty Conscience
Can we take a moment of silence for every soul that has been floating in the transitory phase of healing. For every soul that has been ashamed to admit that they aren’t bouncing back as quickly as they’d hoped. For the soul that has been religiously following the exercise routine recommended after heart surgery, but they haven’t quite mastered the rhythm of ease. The soul that is taking the prescribed painkillers and adhering to the dietician’s plan; but have still found themselves nauseous after a meal, or only getting weaker. That soul.
They are afraid to admit that they don’t feel as good as new because they do not want to appear as though they are pessimistic, impatient or ungrateful. After all, it could have been worse and they, along with everybody else, acknowledge the blessing in them being able to seek and receive treatment. However, when no one is looking, their frustration at the seeming lack of progress, makes its way out in heartfelt tears. They can’t help but wonder if they are the anomaly and the surgery just won’t fulfil its intended purpose.
Well, while it is all agony nonetheless; preoperative pain and postoperative pain are different; and acknowledging this fact helps one give the two befitting treatment and ease on the self-judgement. We tend to feel overwhelmed and plain defeated when it feels like our efforts to wiggle ourselves out of the pain are just deepening the wound. It sure doesn’t help when the headache feels just as splitting as it did before surgery, but it is in your best interests to acknowledge that this headache is now responsive to medication; which wasn’t always the case.
Pivoting while healing demands an internal fight that you are not always sure you have the supply for. You have to come to terms with the fact the current strategy is not delivering the desired results and decide if you’re going to stick it out and for how long you will; or completely re-strategise. You’ll need to release yourself from the guilt of the pain management strategy not working the wonders it did for other patients. Yes, you already had bought into it but now you have to reckon with your journey taking a different shape; even in the slightest.
Beloved Progressive Heart, rerouting might feel extremely lonely, scary and angering. You might find solace in passing by a familiar stage in your healing journey again or feel frustration because it represents some sort of regressing. Point is, while “the in-between” represents a certain level of surrender in your journey which may feel uncomfortable; it also speaks to your intentional presence in the fight and that’s a pretty powerful thing.
And so, in the seeming weakness of it all, I hope you have the courage to scrap for strength; even if you have to see it through a microscope.
Her journeying heart,
Pretty Conscience